I have a mental affair with tomorrow. It’s a theme in my life. Cue the song from Annie. Thank me later.
I don’t feel good today. Actually much worse than bad. Depression has that affect. But I have hope that I’ll feel better tomorrow. Or at least several tomorrow’s from today. Cos today sucks.
But by now I’m a pro at this shit.
I will hang on. Wait for the weight to shift, and the load to lighten.
I make plans. I book movie tickets. I text friends. I avoid the urge to have a fistful of Valium with a vodka shot. I plan my next tattoo, I add books to my wishlist – I call it putting happiness on layby. Because I’m not happy today, but I will be.
Having something to look forward to helps. I make future plans and because I am a stubborn arse bitch and I will make it through this downward mood shift like I always do. I will be there in the future, watching the movie, getting inked, moving those books from wishlist to cart.
Today though. I still need to get through today. So I find a friend who’s home during the day (surround yourself with the jobless wandering weirdo’s of the world and you will always have a couch to day-time surf) and I present myself unceremoniously fucked up and linger. We laugh, sometimes I have a nap, or Netflix and chill (you know you’re a grown up when the meaning of that phrase changes). By the time I leave I feel better. I hope they do to. You have been visited by the Queen after all, be thankful.
I do what I need to do.
I carry on.
I hold on.