Yeah you read that write (haha).
I tried last year to write one and I liked it, I had fun yadda yadda. But trying to write a piece of fiction with plot, characters and narrative traction is just not gonna happen with my current mental state. So move over Diary of Wimpy Kid, cos here comes one for the grown ups. What’s that you say? An excerpt? Why I really couldn’t, ok then, if you insist! I mean I know you probably didn’t, but I like it better my way.
Sometimes I wonder how I would appear in a court room (it’s only a matter of time).
Like not on what charge, that’s the beauty of being me, I don’t worry about the big stuff. But how people would see me. I have finally settled on charismatic and witty with the power to rip someone’s head off with my intellect.
We’re talking me, on my best day. It’s a good mix.
Step 1: Make the jury laugh and warm up the room (my life is one long comedy festival).
Step 2: Tear apart the slimy lawyer.
Step 3: Saunter out of the court room after slapping the witness box and announcing ‘case closed’.
Step 4: Probably go to jail.
Do you love it already? Cos I do and that’s all that really matters. It’s my book and it’s keeping me from pulling out all my toe nails. Besides, my motto is Do The Thing. Do it now. Life is short or bug arse long depending on your current mindset. You may as well spend it doing entertaining things. Cross off the bucket list now. Cos tomorrow we might all blow up. Or melt down. I mean, it depends on what happens first. Whether a world leader presses the big red button or the planet boils. Either way, grab a glass of wine, decapitate a butterfly, paint that picture, do a cross stitch with all 6 strands of cotton. LIVE. It’s kinda what we’re here for.