NYE? FOMO? WTF?

I’ve been paring back on New Year’s Eve celebrations since I had kids. Not resentfully, priorities shifted as did my focus. The kids love fireworks, I love watching their delighted faces.

It used to be a night to dance and drink and fuck. But things change, we get older… life goes on. I still like those things by the way, but now I like them whenever I feel like it. Not because it’s expected. It’s all part of my issue with being told to do things as custom dictates. Christmas decorations go up on December first, they come down on New Year’s Eve. No one can even say why, it’s simply what’s done. Rubbish. So by extension I reject NYE resolutions, forced socialising and midnight kissing. Kiss at 12:01 or not at all.

This year I’m conducting an experiment. I’m deliberately doing nothing. Well, not nothing. I’ll be watching movies, eating popcorn, maybe playing board games. I’m a night owl so I might be up at midnight, I might not. What I’m interested in is will I care? How deep does my Fear Of Missing Out go?

I often feel really flat when I feel left out. I don’t like to miss out, despite being a bit of an introvert. I get low when I see newsfeeds full of happy evenings, wild parties, everyone having the time of their lives while I sit alone in bitterness, staring at my phone.

It doesn’t have to be that way though. I can live up to my word. Put my money where my mouth is. I always say do what ever makes you happy and stuff the rest. So I shall. Do I feel up to a big night? Not really. Even if I wanted to go to a club (shudder) Fibro would turn that into a sensory overload nightmare. I want a quiet night in, I will have a quiet night in and I’ll see if any FOMO kicks in.

Wish me luck!

And have a wonderful night doing whatever the heck you want.

Stay weird peeps,

X Bon.

** Update: two days later.

I did stay up until midnight to make sure the dogs were ok with the fireworks. They were. So was I! Movie night, a gut full of popcorn, in bed with a new book by 12:30. Happy as a clam and no FOMO in sight. Win!

Are you tired of this modern world?

I deleted Facebook last night. I had music playing in bed we both loved, until hubby started watching video snippets in his news feed. I turned my music up so he put his headphones on.

Husband beside me, turned away watching video’s while I drifted and remembered days where we would hold hands and whisper into the night.

I deleted the app, felt immediately lightened by relief and danced to the toilet. Then slept like a log. To be fair husband gave me the best cuddles as the fan droned and the night swam.

This morning I slept in. I reached for my phone and turn the alarm off. Stretching gleefully I had no notifications to check. No scrolling that’s supposed to last a minute as an hour creeps by.

I went and picked up something from a craft shop. Sat and finished The Haunting of Hill House while I cross stitched a Christmas present. Then I sewed my dress for a friend’s wedding tomorrow, worked through a pile of hemming.

Returned to the couch and finished an assignment for Uni, then made pork schnitzels for family dinner.

I am not a productive person. As an introvert I need to recuperate on my days at home. Mostly I crochet, read and nap to true crime podcasts. The most surprising thing when I quit smoking was all the extra time I had. Without Facebook I had more than an extra hour or so, I had a whole day. I didn’t even miss the meme’s.

To be perfectly transparent I kept Messenger. I have very important people I chat with daily in there. I have a Uni chat where we mull over essays and keep each other up to date. International friends who are so dear to my heart I couldn’t bear them to be out of reach. I learned from my last break from Facebook (which lasted a whole lonely day) what I need to be happy and stay in touch. Depression creeps in when I’m isolated and fills up all the spaces.

So now I turn my attention to finishing my assignments for the year, whilst getting my daily word count in for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). 50,000 word draft of a novel plus assignments while stitching a Christmas present? No worries.

As always, do whatever it is that makes your days better. As my water bottle declares: Whatever Makes You Happy – just do that.

So I shall chase happiness and encourage you to do the same. Because life is so damn short. Just look at the lines upon your parents face, or the ones upon your own. Is there grey hair in your dog’s beard and have those kids shot up since last you noticed? Fast. Like a one step march through history. Remembered by some, until time catches up with them too. So fuck being remembered. Just be happy. In the long run no one even minds. They’ll watch you waltz delighted through your days and probably join in.

Be you, be happy.

Stay weird peeps.

Love Bon.