Are you tired of this modern world?

I deleted Facebook last night. I had music playing in bed we both loved, until hubby started watching video snippets in his news feed. I turned my music up so he put his headphones on.

Husband beside me, turned away watching video’s while I drifted and remembered days where we would hold hands and whisper into the night.

I deleted the app, felt immediately lightened by relief and danced to the toilet. Then slept like a log. To be fair husband gave me the best cuddles as the fan droned and the night swam.

This morning I slept in. I reached for my phone and turn the alarm off. Stretching gleefully I had no notifications to check. No scrolling that’s supposed to last a minute as an hour creeps by.

I went and picked up something from a craft shop. Sat and finished The Haunting of Hill House while I cross stitched a Christmas present. Then I sewed my dress for a friend’s wedding tomorrow, worked through a pile of hemming.

Returned to the couch and finished an assignment for Uni, then made pork schnitzels for family dinner.

I am not a productive person. As an introvert I need to recuperate on my days at home. Mostly I crochet, read and nap to true crime podcasts. The most surprising thing when I quit smoking was all the extra time I had. Without Facebook I had more than an extra hour or so, I had a whole day. I didn’t even miss the meme’s.

To be perfectly transparent I kept Messenger. I have very important people I chat with daily in there. I have a Uni chat where we mull over essays and keep each other up to date. International friends who are so dear to my heart I couldn’t bear them to be out of reach. I learned from my last break from Facebook (which lasted a whole lonely day) what I need to be happy and stay in touch. Depression creeps in when I’m isolated and fills up all the spaces.

So now I turn my attention to finishing my assignments for the year, whilst getting my daily word count in for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). 50,000 word draft of a novel plus assignments while stitching a Christmas present? No worries.

As always, do whatever it is that makes your days better. As my water bottle declares: Whatever Makes You Happy – just do that.

So I shall chase happiness and encourage you to do the same. Because life is so damn short. Just look at the lines upon your parents face, or the ones upon your own. Is there grey hair in your dog’s beard and have those kids shot up since last you noticed? Fast. Like a one step march through history. Remembered by some, until time catches up with them too. So fuck being remembered. Just be happy. In the long run no one even minds. They’ll watch you waltz delighted through your days and probably join in.

Be you, be happy.

Stay weird peeps.

Love Bon.

Is the Apocalypse here already?

I never apologize for not being around on my blog much. Such is life.

And I’m still not here, here. But I’d do love being here. Which is cool with me. I checked.

I just have a puppy story I think is worth reading if you want a little grin on your face as you go about your day…

So today I have gotten up, dressed and promptly gone back to bed. Bed is good. I’m not sorry. But I do have to adult just a little bit today.

So I go outside to take off Little Old Nikki’s pajama’s, do some brain training with Crowley Puppy and feed them brekkie. After which Crowley got up to show me her bestest trick yet. Ready? It’s pretty great. It’s actually what woke me up this morning, but I just thought the world was ending and ignored it.

Crowley is proud to present —-

‘How to entertain yourself when you’re human is having a slow morning’.

Drag a half empty 20L water joey from Coles up the stairs… boom-boom-boom and then throw it back down again rumble-rumble-crrraaasssshhh.

She calls is ‘Random Apocalyptic Noises Using Household Items’.

She’s pretty proud.

I mean she sure knows how to find joy in recycling. And she’s using her imagination which is what any parent really wants to see in their kids.

Gotta love dogs. They have endless amounts of goofiness! And she’s shares all her achievements with me so I don’t feel left out. She’s pretty much perfect… to me anyway.

So good morning world! Glad that wasn’t the apocalypse after all. Carry on about your business.

I’ll just be over here. Hugging my dog.

X Bon

P.S Crowley was really worried when I said I was going to put up a picture of Nikki too.

Because we luvs her and donts wants the world to think that she doesn’t even knows how to chews up her bed.

I said it’s ok Crowley, we all have different hobbies. No one will think any less of your ‘little’ sister. Promise. 😉💕🐾

Down and Up

It’s been a rough week. Fibro is kicking my butt cos apparently it hates any sort of weather change… and it chucks the biggest tantrum if that weather change is Winter!

But it’s been good to go down. Because then I know I can and I WILL come back up again. Even if it’s tough and really sucky and it makes me literally cry… I have to know I will come out of it.

This is not going to be a long winded post, cos frankly I don’t have the wind for it! It’s just a post about a shitty couple of weeks. It’s about knowing it’s ok not to be ok. And not just because that’s a really catchy phrase. Because it’s true.

So, I’ve been properly down for 3 days straight, which isn’t that long physically, but Ive been feeling it loom for a couple of weeks… and that plays havoc with me mentally. Because when my body says ‘lie down and don’t move’! And my brain says ‘shhhhh you’re so tired you can’t speak English, time to sleep’…. it’s really fucking tempting to give in and let lovely lovely depression take the wheel. Because if the Black Dog takes over, I promise you I will sleeep. For daaaaays. And probably enjoy it.

BUT getting that beast leashed again is too damn hard.

So I get up. I feel out my bones and ask them if it’s a dancing morning. It is! Oh hells yeah!

I grab my big arse head phones. The ones that mean I can’t even hear my own pulse or breath.

I make my bed as I get my feet under me and start to pump up the music.

I listen to three songs.

1: We’re Killing Strangers by Marilyn Manson

Because it has a wicked fucken beat and he can soothe the angry beast. I can’t dance for shit, but I do anyway. And my body doesn’t move the way I’d like it to… so I’ve taken to doing a sort of interpretive dance. It uses all my muscles, it’s bang on the beat and it feels really good. I may look like an electrocuted pidgeon, but I feel as powerful and Childish Gambino.

2: Better Son/ Daughter by Rilo Kiley

Ohhhhh yeahhhh. Let’s bring it down, take it in and streeeeetch it out! This song gets under my skin in the best way. From the outside this sounds like yoga. I LOVE yoga, but again my body dictates what we do today. I’m cool with it, you silly old thing. So I take this bod o’ mine through a heavily restricted/personalized stretch sesh. And it feels gooooood. Take that OT, I AM doing what you suggested! Just… in my own way. Gold star!

3: Why Can’t I Touch It? By Buzzcocks

This one means it’s time to get up before I fall asleep on the floor. Get my inner, slightly less spry, Punk Bitch up and moving. Put the kettle on. Help my very old cat Nev through his morning routine.

I have to act like an adoring butler during this, or he gets offended and won’t eat. And I have to keep the other cats away from his food without making it look like I am. Oh, and give him privacy but be ready to open the door because after food comes the enormous need to evacuate… I won’t go into detail. Let’s just say we both regret it if I’m not paying attention.

I move through the house while the kettle makes it’s racket, just checking everything is ok, cos I’m gonna crash out in 5, 4, 3…

I make my cuppa. Tea should be made in calmness. I settle for raging loud mindfulness. I do it while I boogie to whatever comes next on my headphones. Then I sit. One must have 15 minutes to sit with a cuppa. Which is drunk black in case the sitting takes a bit longer and I need to nuke it hot again. Or drink it cold. Whichever.

And now I plan my day. My neck is saying NO MORE GIANT HEADPHONES! My heart wants to run and run. My aching body and says Calm Down. So we’ll get dressed, this oddball team of broken brain, bad ass chic and failing body. I’ll get us under the heated blanket. Bark up the laptop and do… something.

Or read.

Or watch Netflix.

Or wander around in the internet for a while, hug the cats, wait for the pain to fade.

Cos it’ll fade. If I’m careful, patient and work on not going crazy while I wait, it will bugger off long enough for me to walk the dogs. Or go to a market. Or whatever. Just be a big, pink haired weirdo outside in the world for a bit.

Not today. Maybe tomorrow. You all know how I feel about tomorrow… 🎶 🌞

Do you have Annie singing in your head yet? Has she done that bit where she says… The sun’ll come out… tomorrow? It’s so good. Oh, ready for my favourite part… You’re always a daaaaayyy awaaaayyyyy!!!!!!!

Hope you have that stuck in your head now. You’re very welcome.

Hoo – roo peeps,

Stay Weird,

X Bon

Rise Up

I’ve been listening to Andra Day’s song Rise Up on repeat lately…

(Click link to hear it in YouTube)

Because as Winter gets closer my fibro flares up, and so does my anxiety. Winter blues is a real damn thing. Especially if you have mental illness and chronic pain battling it out for attention!

So. I wake up. I stretch. I feel which part of my body is giving me the shits the most. I rise up. I make a cup of tea. I get dressed. I listen to music in my head phones, chuck the heater on aaaaand stretch. Move through some basic yoga moves. Test my memory from my PT stretches and go through as many as I can.

Move to a faster track and dance. Shake out these cold bones and aching muscles.

I might read. Visit a friend. Write. Hell, I might call my mum or just veg out on the couch.

Whatever it is, I find the happy thing and do it. Because I’m motoring along ok right now. But that never lasts.

So I focus on the joy. Which you can find anywhere, if you’re willing to look for it.

You can find it strolling down the street at a bus stop.

Or taking the SUV for a squirt down a muddy track with the dogs.

You can find it when you hit jack pot and take home a crochet blanket from the local Sunday market.

Or while watching Picnic at Hanging Rock on Foxtel and being swept away in nostalgia. Seriously, that show is like walking through poetry. Stunning visually and fans of the book will adore it.

You can find it sitting in front of the heater, thinking about reading a book, but really just lounging with the cats.

Or trying to do some work, but getting distracted by how cute the pup is when she snuggles with the grumpy old Nikki dog…

Or in photo’s of a rainbow neon city tunnel texted to you from a cousin…

Joy is in the small stuff. You gotta store it up.

Like a layer of blubber protects a whale through winter, so too will a layer of happiness be a cushion against bad days. And really bad days. Store up the good so you’re strong AF when the bad comes ‘atcha. It’s just good practice.

Trust me, I’m a Doctor.

Well, ok, I’m not. Just a mouthy chic who’s been on this tightrope now for nearly two decades. Yep. I’m old as hell. Ok, I’m still this side of my mid 30’s. But I got some mental health miles under my belt so just trust your local crazy lady ok? Layer yourself up in joy. It lasts longer that way.

Stay weird peeps,

X Bon

From my door to yours.

Some stuff I’ve been doing over the last couple of days. Happy moments, puppy photo’s, Autumn shots. Ok yeah, mostly photo’s. Maybe some wise words. Maybe some laughs. Light and fluffy this one!

Took Crowley with me to the kids training night. I’d had a rest day and didn’t walk her. So we went did a lap of the oval and worked on her puppy training. Officially working on voice commands in public, with distractions like cars, kids, dogs, bright lights etc. Honestly though? Her lovely nature keeps me sane and gives me an excuse to focus on her in a crowded place. Plus she only poops and pee’s at home. So that’s turned out to be a weird bonus in public!

Kisses for mumma.

A calmer moment after puppy training.

Past Bonnie ordered some merch from My Favorite Podcast and an email came through reminding me it’s on the way! Whoo hoo! Thanks past Bonnie! You’ve made current Bonnie excited and Future Bonnie will probably squeal at the postman!

Someone shared this meme in my book club group and I looooove it. Accurate, hilarious, on point. All the hallmarks of a good meme. You’re welcome.

Long time fan of Constance Hall. Not as far back as Big Brother, but further than her first book. I pre-ordered both and love them!

Thank god for Facebook! Made her viral, showed me blogging, taught me stuff about my inner queen. Vital! Honestly I love Con and her whole Queen Team. Mum life, wife life, living and loving and growing. Strength and pain. Turmoil, change and joy. It’s aaaaaall good.

I don’t crochet to sell anymore (I recently tried but my hands aren’t reliable enough with Fibro). But I still love making hats and writing my own notes/patterns. This one was for a kid I adore for her birthday. It’s was a rectangle (the fat ribbing part is the brim). When I sewed the rectangle closed and she stuck it on her head it turned into a ‘cat’ hat. She loved it!

Ok, honestly I made a pussy hat. Feminism sneaks in when we’re young from strong women (and men) around us. I think I’ll make a bigger one for myself!

Whoopie rocking the inspiration. And a kick arse tee.

I shared this one on my Facebook page and it snowballed into a joke and then a pact and now whoever dies first will be treated to my glorious husband streaking down the aisle at their funeral. I love it all the levels.

Imagine everyone seated respectfully in a funeral home. Some dressed in black, some in ridiculous clothes (ok, that one is me. I WILL wear rainbows to a funeral and you know it). The music stops, there’s a hush. Just as the minister person takes the stand, hubby runs down the aisle. Naked and screaming WE’RE GOING STREAKING! If it’s not my funeral I might leap up and join him. You are welcome for that image!

Gotta love Will Ferrell!

Today was a Sunday here in Oz and Autumn is beautiful in Australia. We took the back way to a family do this arvo because of roadworks. Hubby drove and I went nuts with my phone camera. Oh Australia, how I love you! Second Spring! Big skies, sunshine, paddocks, livestock, gumtrees. It does good things to my heart. Nothing to see here, just God putting the planet down for a three month nap. Winter is coming people!

I’m rugged up under a blanket on the couch now. It hit 22 degree’s (Celsius) during the day. Now it’s nearly midnight and it’s 8 degree’s. Feels like 5 and my fingertips are numb. Ahhhh perfect snuggling weather.

Those were all taken in the Pentland Hills, Victoria if you’re curious. Love where you live!

I’m nearly up to the second season of West World (no spoilers allowed! Please!).

I feel like I’m gonna need this meme after I’ve finished the second season!

Holy moly it’s a ride! I recommend it. Highly. And I don’t do that often. These are the shows it gives a nod to, with Anthony Hopkins reprising the same level of sinister language perfection from Silence of the Lambs. Jurassic World, Hunger Games, Black Mirror, Wild Wild West, Twilight Zone and more. You’ll love the soundtrack too, trust me. I’m 34, I watched it with an 18 year old and we both loved the music. Take a peek behind the curtain. Thank me later. Oh and don’t start with the 1975 version, go straight to the new one. I found the entire first two seasons on Foxtel. You can find it there or wherever you ‘find’ your content. Again, you are welcome!

So. That’s my life lately in a nutshell.

I’ll leave one more pic.

That was the view from my back porch this morning. But not too early this morning, it’s a Bloody Sunday after all! Ahhhh Autumn. The heart sings!

Stay weird peeps.

X Bon.

Lucky

I want to write this feeling down. Record it so that I can remember it. It needs to be cherished.

I am lying in bed listening to a investigative murder podcast.

Rose is cuddled up in my arms. She reaches out, one paw usually touching me.

The light is on outside the door and I can hear Tevita sitting at the desk, tapping away, working late.

My house is full because my sister and her kids are staying over.

I feel safe and relaxed. Good feelings washing over me as I zone in and out.

Soon I will fall asleep. Surrounded by family in the big busy house I always dreamed of. Protected, loved and happy.

It’s a good night. It’s almost a shame to fall asleep. I am lucky and I’m well enough to know it.

Wake up Dancing

I wake up. My whole body hurts. They’ve told me why now. I don’t think the reason matters right now. I moan, groan and roll over. Stretch, yell while doing it. I’m getting this body ready for the day. I will not stay in bed. Fuck that noise.

I wake up with music in my ears. A tune stuck in my head. The vestiges of a dream. So I hunt it down on my phone. I turn that shit up. I get up. Turn my speakers on LOUD. Then I come back and I dance. Yep. Dance. It starts with raising my hands. I’m lucky I got so much booty to jiggle. I’m lucky my body hurts, coz that means I can still feel it. I’m lucky I woke up.

I shimmy, I shake, I shuffle. My body warms up. I stomp. Shake my hands, get them moving away that awful stiffness. I tap a thunderous two step. I jive. I put on Clairy Browne & The Bangin’ Rackettes. I scream out all the words to I’ll Be Fine. This Queen is awake and she’s rockin. Behind my bedroom door I dance my way into the day.

Because fuck depression.

Fuck chronic pain.

Fuck anxiety.

And most of all, fuck Rheumatoid Arthritis.

Cos I wake up dancing.

💋 Bon